Pet Peeve of the Day

Today's Pet Peeve: People in authority over me who are at least 10 times MORE STUPID than I am.

I am temporarily laid-off and collecting unemployment benefits. Although my employer has promised to call me back within a month or so, the Department of Labor (hereafter, DOL) still requires me to apply for several new jobs each week. I play their game to avoid losing my benefits--and who knows?--maybe I’ll find an enjoyable new job that won’t lay me off.

So a few weeks ago, I applied for a job on the DOL website. One week after applying, the employer sent me a job offer letter, sight unseen, and phone unheard. Now you must understand that in my “real profession” (that is, the one that pays), a sight-unseen job offer is a huge RED FLAG, signaling desperation, high-turnover, lack of professional standards, and a host of other bad things.

I actually had doubts when faxing my resume, due to the employer's strange name, which strongly suggested: 1) Starting with "A," merely to appear first in the phone book, and 2) English as a 2nd language, learned from someone for whom English was a 3rd language. A close approximation of the name is "APlus Everything Solution," hereafter, referred to as "APES." I should have known better, but I had to make my application quota. By the way, "APlus" is one word.

When I finally reached APES on the phone, the representative who I'll call, "Krista," couldn't answer any of my questions but said she'd refer them to--I kid you not--"Snookie," the CEO. This name has been slightly altered to protect the probably-not-so-innocent, but I swear to you, Dear Reader, that "Snookie" captures the vibe of the true name exactly. Krista also invited me to a combination orientation/interview in a city 2 hours away from me, at which, I would meet Snookie face-to-face.

All of my senses were on high alert, especially my common sense. I REALLY didn't want to follow through with APES, but since "work refusal" could revoke my unemployment benefits, I figured I'd better inform someone at the DOL. I called a DOL Specialist, "Steve," whom I had met before and trusted. Steve completely understood my reservations about APES and Snookie and all, but he said I would need to come to the DOL in person next Tuesday at 7:30 AM and make a verbal statement with a "Claims Specialist"

That Tuesday was yesterday, and, Dear Reader, that encounter directly inspired Today's Pet Peeve: people in authority over me who are ten times more stupid than I am. I arrived at 7:2o AM, and stood in the long line of fellow Americans that had formed outside the cold, dank, DOL building. Some smoked. Some talked. Some b*tched. Some almost got into physical altercations when some guy let a lady in pajamas cut in front of him in line...

To make a long story short, I was there from 7:30 AM to 9:00 AM. When I finally met with the "Claims Specialist," who I'll call "Ms. Shrew," and explained my situation, producing all necessary documents, she said (after not having listened to a word I had said), "I cannot take a verbal statement from you because NOTHING HAS TRANSPARENT."

"Nothing has transparent?" I asked.

"Nothing has actually happened," she replied, condescendingly.

Condescension + Word Ignorance = THE WRATH OF ME (10 x worse than the wrath of Shatner).

She had obviously meant, "TRANSPIRED" but didn't know the freaking correct word! Plus, she didn't listen to me, refused to help me, and treated me like crap.

When I got home, I called Steve and told him what had TRANSPIRED with the so-called "Claims Specialist," Ms. Shrew. He was very understanding (he deals with this crap ALL THE TIME) and transferred me to his supervisor, with whom, I think I got it all straightened out.

Later, it ocurred to me that I could have replied to Ms Shrew, "Maybe nothing has transparent, but from where I'm sitting, a whole sh*tload has opaque."