Who comes next in Crushville, circa 1970s, after Captain Kirk?
Spock?
Yes.
OK. Who next?
STEVE AUSTIN, of course! The Six Million Dollar Man.
Just now, I'm finding out that I was not alone, way back when in grade school, with my heavy hots for STEVE AUSTIN, The Six Million Dollar Man. In recent years, more than one of my intellectual perverted girlfriends has admitted to having had BIONIC CRUSHES on STEVE AUSTIN, just like me.
"Da da da daaaaaaa, da da da da da da da da daaaaaaaa......" plays the music, as I run slow-motion through my mind field, toward STEVE. "Shht-t-t-t-t-t-t...!" --or however you spell that "sound effect" produced when Steve lifts an airplane off someone, throws a steel girder, or leaps a chasm---"Shht-t-t-t-t-t-t..." goes that sound effect, as he lifts me up, and carries me off to his six million dollar make-out pad.
She's breaking up! She's breaking up!
We can rebuild him. We can make him better. Stronger. Faster.
Oh, how those words filled me with ecstatic bliss each week, knowing I would soon see images of Steve Austin, who, you really couldn't compare with Captain Kirk, because they were in totally different time zones. HOWEVER, they WERE both "astronauts." Interesting! Strange! That never occurred to me before. What is this thing called "love?"
Anyway, my fellow intellectual perverted girlfriends and I never discussed this, but I'd be willing to bet SIX MILLION DOLLARS that they wondered, like me, if Steve had had a bionic.... a bionic....
Did Steve Austin have a bionic....
NO NO NO! This is a "family blog!" I WILL NOT go there, and YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!
And yet, I wonder....
I'll bet they replaced it with some cheap, off-the-shelf, vibrating thing. Otherwise, he would have cost Seven Million.
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exactly. Oh, how I wished I was Jamie Summers, the bionic woman. Their roller coaster relationship meant a lot to me when I was 10 years old. It was all very real to me.
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