Geek Scene of the Week

[Scene: Waiting room at multi-physician practice. A dorky looking guy (DLG) walks up to one of the receptionists.]

DLG: I am here to see the doctor.

Receptionist: Doctor who?

DLG: HE'S HERE?!


THE END

Dear Bill

Dear Bill,

It is a unique blend of intelligence, imagination, and sheer stupidity that allows someone to fall under your spell. You should have a warning label tattooed on your forehead: May cause weird euphoria, addiction, nightmares, nausea, vomiting, and more stupidity. Call a doctor and/or exorcist immediately, if you experience any of the following...(continued on back).

Love,
Karen

PS: My next post will list some of the main ways in which my husband totally kicks your ass. It will include photographic evidence.

Cataclysmic Computer Catastrophe

A One Act Play
by Karen K. Remus
Copyright 2011

[Scene: Best Buy Computer Repair Service Desk]

Best Buy Technician: Mr. Customer, I'm afraid that your computer is so seriously damaged, it might be beyond our capability to fix.

Mr. Customer: What's wrong? A virus?

Best Buy Technician: No. Worse.

Mr. Customer: A Trojan?

Best Buy Technician: No. Worse.

Mr. Customer: A Worm?

Best Buy Technician: No. Worse.

Mr. Customer: What could possibly be worse than those?

Best Buy Technician: A Beagle.

Mr. Customer: [Looking queasy, then projectile vomiting while shitting and pissing his pants, and finally collapsing on the floor. After two minutes of no one doing anything, he recovers, stands up slowly and screams in an incredibly loud voice for someone who has just totally purged from all orifices]
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fade Out

The End

Thank you for your patience, Dear Reader. I've been away, but now I'm back, and I'm worse than ever. Please read my other new crap and let me know how it stinks.

Your Problem

A One Act Play
by Karen K. Remus
Copyright 2011

[Scene: a generic-looking man and a generic-looking woman stand facing each other in a completely white setting]

Woman: You know what your problem is?

Man: No.

Woman: Your problem is, you don't know what your problem is.

THE END


Eh? Eh? Am I the friggin' Mistress of Script or what? Weigh in, please.

New Fragrance for Men

By Karen Kay Remus
Copyright 2011


New Fragrance for Men:

NIXON'S PITS


What do you think, people?
Can you top that?
Please try.

xo,
kr

Profound Thought of the Day

Do you remember the TV show, "Sea Hunt?" If so, then you're at least as old as I am. But that's not the point. The point is this: the name of the actor who starred in "Sea Hunt" was Lloyd Bridges (father of Jeff Bridges), but here's the thing... are you ready for the thing?

The thing is that BRIDGES go over water, while Lloyd Bridges went under water.

Did you ever stop to ponder this? If so, Dear Reader, then you have the same problem I do.

More "Cut to the Chase Greeting Cards!"

By Karen Kay Remus
Copyright 2010

Here's the latest batch, hot off the press! These are the cards that Hallmark missed, and now, you can actually ORDER THEM FROM ME, Dear Readers. Just shoot me an email (on my profile), and we'll work out an offer you can't refuse. Please also see my June 30, 2010 post, containing the "Birthday Card" and "General Greeting" series--also available for purchase.

And now, without further adieu, I present for your pleasure, the ALL NEW selection of "Cut to the Chase Greeting Cards, " for when tact just won't cut it....

The "Friends and Lovers" Series

#1
(Outside of card)
I'm so sorry about our fight
(Inside of card)
but you're still wrong
and I'm still right

#2
(Outside)
Let's make up
(Inside)
...a big LIE, and say we're still friends

#3
(Outside)
I'm sorry about our falling out
(Inside)
But I wouldn't be sorry
about your falling out
of a 20th story window

#4
(Outside)
You are my reason for living
(Inside)
BY MYSELF

#5
(Outside)
Without you, I'm nothing
(Inside)
Nothing but smiles

#6
(Outside)
How much do I love you?
(Inside)
Not one damned bit

#7
(Outside)
Thinking of you
(Inside)
Every time I throw up

#8
(Outside)
Something's in the air
(Inside)
Your stench

#9
(Outside)
Without you, I'm a wreck
(Inside)
With you, I'm an even bigger f*cking wreck

#10
(Outside)
There's something about you
(Inside)
That gives me dry heaves

#11
(Outside)
I cannot begin to express
how much I love you
(Inside)
Because I don't

#12
(Outside)
Roses are red
Violets are blue
(Inside)
And you SUCK
on f*cking hot ice!

Love 'em? Hate 'em? Wanna BUY the whole freaking LOT? At the very least, leave me comments, and tell me your faves! PS: Just so you know, Dear Readers. I truly love you more than even Hallmark could say. xoxoxox ~kkr